ET Bitesize: Bog Standard

Tue, Sep 06 2016

Credit: Al Robinson



Monday afternoon saw the announcement that a roll of Nazi-era toilet paper in “remarkably unused condition” was to go on sale in Dublin.


By 8.30pm, the prospect of being caught short with only fascist loo roll to soothe seemed far preferable to enduring another edge of the (toilet) seat Republic of Ireland away performance.


“The people who collect these items are usually serious collectors. For some people though it is like collecting stamps.


“If they weren't still collecting it, in a generation's time people would say we don't have anything to show as nobody bothered to collect it.”


Nazi bog roll or the life of the average Ireland football fan?


It had all looked so positive when, after barely two minutes, Jeff Hendrick broke his international duck with the jammiest of jammy goals on a pitch so cut-up it made United Park look like the Rose Bowl.


Any fears Ireland fans may have had that a boring 1-0 would ensue and they'd be denied their money's worth were quickly eased, as the boys in green (white) put in the sort of calamitous performance not seen since Duck Soup.


The Serbs, for their part, had gotten there first with Branislav Ivanovic and goalkeeper Predrag Rajkovic doing their best impressions of obstacles on a pinball table for the early goal, and they spent much of the rest alternately conjuring and ineptly spurning chances.


They did manage to score two – keystone cops defending from Ireland presenting Filip Kostic with a chance so simple even he couldn't miss, before an empty crisp packet blowing across the stand presented Dusan Tadic with a penalty to equalise – but it was more through accident than design.


Striker Aleksandar Mitrovic – who, it should be remembered, cost Newcastle United more than any player in the Ireland team – lived down to the reputation of a player whose most notable achievement in black and white is getting booked for a two-footer 20 seconds into his debut.


That he was outshone on the night by his new clubmate Daryl Murphy, who showed the only bit of decent movement from a striker all night to leave Matija Nastasic rooted to the spot to head past the hapless Rajkovic for his first goal in 27 games, summed up the fare on show.


Most interesting for League of Ireland fans was the performance of Rajkovic in the Serbian goal. A member of the World Cup winning under-20 side, he was presented his first competitive cap at the beginning of what's meant to be a new era for Serbian football.


Rajkovic keeps goal for Maccabi Tel Aviv, which gave Dundalk goalkeeper Gary Rogers on the Irish bench a chance to see him up close before their Europa League meeting next month.


The 20-year-old has been dubbed a 'Wunderkind' – surely a coincidence, then, that that name would be ideal for a brand of bottom-friendly German toilet paper?








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A bumper ET Sportcast saw presenter Josh Dolan joined by UCD director of football Pat Devlin, Bohemians player Kurtis Byrne and Limerick striker Chris Mulhall.


The case for safe standing at Dalymount Park is a good one, writes Dave Donnelly.


Martin O'Neill saluted record-breaker Robbie Keane as he bowed out with a goal against Oman.


And Philip Nolan gathered his thoughts for his own personal tribute to Ireland's top scorer.


Dundalk manager Stephen Kenny told how his team are going into the Europa League with 'both hands tied' behind their backs.




UCD confirmed that midfielder Dylan Watts has signed for Leicester City for an undisclosed fee.


Shamrock Rovers announced the addition of former Drogheda United player Sami Ristila to their coaching staff.


Sligo Rovers midfielder Craig Roddan signed a contract extension until the end of 2018.


Dundalk goalkeeper Gary Rogers was called up to the international squad to face Oman and Serbia, replacing former Galway United man David Forde.


Waterford United defender Alan Byrne signed for Northern Irish Premiership side Portadown on a two-year deal.